Things dads teach their kids when mum’s off duty

Things dads teach their kids when mum’s off duty

Things dad teach their kids when mums aren’t looking“Have you been teaching Charlie pig snorting noises?” I texted Mr Chick yesterday.

The reply was in the affirmative, and mentioned something about Peppa Pig books. Even though it was a text, I’m sure I detected a note of pride. I guess when your one-year-old learns to snort like a pig because you’ve taught them how, then proceeds to do it all the time, that’s something of an achievement.

Distracting as it is listening to my bubba go around snorting all day, it made me wonder what other surprises might be in store for me when Charlie gets older. When I found out I was having a boy, I had romantic notions that his dad would teach him how to play footy and possibly take him to guitar lessons. I’m hoping that’ll still happen. Along with the animal noises and fart jokes.

After all, when it comes to teaching your kid something hilarious, I suspect dads and mums may not always be on the same page. Just sayin’.

Take my friend who took her toddler out in the pram one day, only to have him yell ‘Boobies!’ at every woman they saw. “He even made milking gestures with his little hands,” she remembered. “Naturally, I hadn’t taught him either of those things, but I soon found out who had… thanks very much Daddy!”

Or the mum I know whose four-year-old kept giggling and asking everyone he met where ‘Uranus’ was – after a trip to the Sydney Observatory with, you guessed it, his dad.

Sometimes both parents are to blame, though, and the story that takes the cake for me comes from a writer friend of mine. His then two-year-old, not good with waiting for things, piped up with ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake’ when they were within earshot of an elderly lady blocking a ramp at the supermarket while making a slow descent with her walking stick. (My friend admitted he and his wife really had to watch their language after that one.)

If you think about it, there’s no stopping this slow-moving train-wreck of potential embarrassment, is there? Your kid is going to learn stuff that’ll make you roll your eyes, whether he or she learns it from you, dad, grandparents, the kid next door or some random old dude at the bus stop.

At Charlie’s age though, they’re thankfully quick to move onto the next thing… so I figure I only have a week or so of pig snorting noises to endure. And if I’m honest, it’s kinda adorable anyway.

What’s the funniest / worst / most unexpected thing your partner (or someone else) has taught your kid?

Linking up with #IBOT to Essentially Jess.

Journalist. New mama. Mr Chick's missus. Blogger at The Mama Files, Reality Chick, Letter To My Ex and Rachel's List. Author of sex advice book, Get Lucky. Writer for Good Health, CLEO, Woman's Day, Inside Out, NineMSN and many more. Current fantasy: adding a rooftop hot-tub to the house.


  1. Kelly 9 years ago

    I remember when Reeve did his pig snorting noises when he was little. I have so many videos of it. And it’s so cute and innocent…..and then fast forward 12 months later, and now he imitates his parents and what we say…….shit.

    I really do have to stop saying shit in front of my son.

    Charlie will learn to kick the ball, and cook like his Mumma…curries and all. They are like sponges, these kiddies!

    Cherish the piggy snorts because it’s only going to get worse from here. x

    • Author
      Rachel 9 years ago

      Oh, deep down I cherish every pig snort. You know that 😉

  2. Oh a pig snort is the least of your worries, things get more and more hilarious as they get older. You just have to learn to smile at people and shrug and say ‘kids huh’ – covers a multitude of sins. 😀

    • Author
      Rachel 9 years ago

      That’s great advice Malinda… I will remember that. He’s already testing me in social occasions! ha!

  3. Haha, I have a daughter and her dad has still taught her delightful things like pig snorting, blowing raspberries with her tongue out and when she farts she laughs hysterically and then says “haha I farted”. She also sticks her hands down my top at random times and laughs saying “mummy boobies”! She’s 2 and still hasn’t gotten over any of it. I’m sure she’ll add some other gems as she gets older too. I just hope she doesn’t swear at anyone. Visiting from #teamIBOT

    • Author
      Rachel 9 years ago

      I know, I dread the thought that Charlie will pick up a word from us and say it at kindy or something. I guess I have a few years grace before that happens! He HAS figured out that his dummy lives in my bra, so he’s always pulling my top down looking for it… Just embarrassing! 🙂 Thanks for popping by Toni 🙂

  4. Martin 9 years ago

    Great stuff Rachel. It’s uncanny how babes pick up smutty words and expressions!
    Boobs and Uranus are favourites , particularly for boys (I mean husbands , brothers and not forgetting grand pas. )

    • Author
      Rachel 9 years ago

      Oooh I better be careful leaving Charlie and you alone on Skype! hahah 😉

  5. Mim 9 years ago

    Oh I’m glad it isn’t just my husband who does this kind of thing ha! Mine cleverly taught our toddler the word ‘bogeys’ although she pronounces it ‘boggies’ and loves to shout “Mummy, you got BOGGIES?” in public now argh! Mim x #IBOT

    • Author
      Rachel 9 years ago

      Haha, and sending you scurrying to your compact in the hope there isn’t a big booger hanging out of your nose I imagine!? Thanks for the giggle Mim! xo

  6. Haha! The worst for me was when my youngest piped up loudly in public one day ‘Where’s my fuck’n dummy?’ cos he heard dad say it while looking for his keys on a prticularly grumpy morning!

    • Author
      Rachel 9 years ago

      Oh gawd! We’ve got to be so careful with the swear words – we are TERRIBLE round here. While shocking that is kinda funny as well 🙂

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