It’s yoga, Jim, but not as we know it.

It’s yoga, Jim, but not as we know it.

It’s yoga, Jim, but not as we know itWhen I told Mr Chick I was going to baby yoga, he told me that sounded awesome. “Have fun!” he said, waving me off as I strapped Charlie into his carseat. I found out later he thought it was yoga for the baby – ie, that you practiced yoga on the baby. (I don’t know how much yoga you can really practice on a baby who can’t walk yet, except cycling their legs when they’re having trouble doing a number two.)

But no – it was yoga for mamas, while WEARING their babies. Sounds like fun, right? Maybe if you have a placid baby who is happy to stay in a carrier. Charlie scorns carriers of all kinds so I knew it’d be interesting.

We got to the park where we were meeting the group, including our friends Nadine and baby Louie. It was a gorgeous day. Mums were creating a semi-circle with their bubbas, all behaving like little cherubs. I hoped their excellent behaviour would rub off on Charlie and I cooed to him as I strapped him into the Ergobaby.

But the bear doesn’t miss a trick and he threw an impressive get me out of this carrier NOW hissy fit complete with kicking and squawking. Rather than kill everyone’s yoga buzz I gave in and plonked him onto the mat. As the practitioner began the class (with her fat, placid bubba happily strapped into HIS carrier), mama tried to go to her happy place, while Charlie just tried to hoover up handfuls of grass and twigs.

I was actually getting into it until this happened.

“Now,” intoned the yoga practitioner, “imagine your clitoris is drawwwwing up into your buuuudddyyyyy.”

Clitoris? Did she just say what I think she said?

“It’s verrrrry good for your pelvic floor, drawing the CLITORIS up into your VAGINA… lift… lift… lift.”

Holy crap. I’ve been to a fair few yoga classes in my time but this was the first one to actually include asanas for your lady garden.

I tried to stifle a giggle and busied myself wrestling a twig away from Charlie’s mouth so I wouldn’t lose it completely… nah, too late. Giggling like an adolescent. Everyone else apart from Nadine (who was also trying not to grin, I believe) seemed too busy drawing their clitori into their vaginas to notice, THANK GOD.

So yeah. Baby carrier yoga is probably not something me and Charlie will be doing regularly, but it did get me thinking about other exercise options I could do that involve Charlie, or exercise classes where he’s able to tag along. I’ll do anything, so long as hoo-ha action is correctly referred to as ‘pelvic floor exercise’. I’m clearly too immature to handle anything more X-rated.

What do you do, exercise-wise? Is it something that involves your bubba? Or your bubba AND your hoo-ha? (BTW, no judgement whatsoever if your exercise for the day involves sitting on the couch lifting a wine glass to your lips. Been there.)

Journalist. New mama. Mr Chick's missus. Blogger at The Mama Files, Reality Chick, Letter To My Ex and Rachel's List. Author of sex advice book, Get Lucky. Writer for Good Health, CLEO, Woman's Day, Inside Out, NineMSN and many more. Current fantasy: adding a rooftop hot-tub to the house.

18 Comments

  1. Ruth Meaney 2 years ago

    I used to go to baby yoga just around the corner from my house. It didn’t involve carriers though, more all the bubs rolling around (or not rolling around) on big doonas in the middle of the room while us mummies tried to find our ommmmm. We stopped once my little Possum kept trying to pull up and get cranky with me. But it was fun while it lasted. We also tried one or two outdoor mums and bubs exercise classes but she would freak out whenever i was running away from her. So that didn’t last long either… One day I went for a run, by my self! Was great! Then found out I was pregnant and nausea set in so that died in the arse too!!

    • Author
      Rachel 2 years ago

      I hear ya Ruth. I used to pull every excuse in the book out of my arse in order to not go to the gym. These days if I get some me-time on that treadmill and even better, a session in the weights room, I am SO HAPPY. Maybe exercising with your baby is just a ridiculous notion all round 🙂

  2. Kelly 2 years ago

    So while I write this comment to you, sipping my wine, and doing my pelvic floor movements………..the question is….will you go back to that yoga class? I think not. If someone in public, that you don’t know, says the word clitoris, or the other ‘c’ word. I think you should probably stay clear away :).

    Hahaha! That is very funny! If I was there, I would have burst out laughing and said to the instructor “Pardon? Pardon me?” 🙂 My exercise, is my kid. That is all I need to keep the weight off 🙂

    • Author
      Rachel 2 years ago

      I’m not going back, but I can dine out on that one for years 🙂

      You’ve shamed me into doing my pelvic floors. I’m going to do them throughout this entire episode of Ray Donovan. See if I don’t. 🙂

  3. helen 2 years ago

    Thanks, this post made me laugh so much a little bit of wee came out. I think my pelvic floor hates me. I cant even put my whole self in when doing the hokey cokey without pissing myself. Clearly have not being spending enough time at baby yoga!!!! #fridayfrolics

    • Author
      Rachel 2 years ago

      Oh Helen I’m sorry for being responsible for you needing to change your undies. You are NOT alone though, I know I have been neglecting things down there when I sneeze and… well, let’s just say I immediately do 25678 pelvic floors in quick succession. And go change my undies. 🙂

      Maybe I DO need to go to lady garden baby yoga heheh.

  4. My balance is shot at the best of times, let alone trying a downward facing dog with a baby strapped to me! great post. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    • Author
      Rachel 2 years ago

      I know, right? It’s very odd distribution of weight, trying to do yoga while your baby is strapped to you. I’m going back to pram walks 🙂
      Thanks for hosting again, good fun reading all the new posts!

  5. Random Musings 2 years ago

    I’ve never heard of baby yoga before, nor have I heard pelvic floors described in that manner, so two firsts for me! I think the baby yoga sounds like a fab idea, the graphic pelvic floor description, not so much lol #effitfriday
    Debbie
    http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

    • Author
      Rachel 2 years ago

      It yanked me back from my happy place in a flash Debbie, I can tell you 🙂 Thanks for popping over!

  6. My yoga teacher, during guided meditation at the end where everyone lies like dead people, said “imagine a bright light is entering your vagina”. What the heck?! This Mama almost did go to her happy place. #fridayfrolics

  7. Author
    Rachel 2 years ago

    Hahahah I love it. Glad I’m not the only one where yoga and vaginas are a thing 🙂

  8. Just seen you over on #effitfriday with 2 of my blogging besties Laura and Rod. Will RT this post. Too good not to x

    • Author
      Rachel 2 years ago

      Aww that’s sweet of you. Thanks so much x

  9. Modern Dad Pages 2 years ago

    Loved this post! Made me laugh! I am sorry, but I would have burst out laughing. You have much better control than I! Thank you for linking on #wineandboobs

    • Author
      Rachel 2 years ago

      Aww thanks Rod. It was a confronting moment, hahaha 🙂
      Thanks for hosting #wineandboobs as always – great to link up with you guys.

  10. SHE DIDN’T??!!!!!!! I’d have been on the floor! X

  11. Julien D 2 years ago

    Ha, definitely an unorthodox way to get your sweat on, that’s for sure. And sounds like your little one is learning some interesting vocab. Nice meeting through Aussie Bloggers too!

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